Readings, News, and Performances

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Ball Poll Results
Below, I have pasted people's comments and votes in response to the poll I conducted whether it's my testicle or a shadow which is visible on the cover of my new book, I Love You More Than You Know. The cover, for the uninitiated, features a picture of me running down a road in my boxer shorts and when I received the book I noticed that something was perhaps amiss. The first person I showed the book to, my good friend Dean Haspiel, said it wasn't my testicle but my liver. Subsequently, people all seemed to say it was either my testicle or some kind of shadow. So I decided to have a poll to accurately determine whether it's a testicle or a shadow, and with this electronic ballot (no Florida here) the people have spoken.

Final tally (this, unfortunately, doesn't reflect all the oral votes given to me by people):
Testicle -- 25 votes
Shadow -- 5 votes
Ass-flap -- 1 vote
My brain -- 1 vote
It's me who is nuts -- 1 vote (from a psychiatrist)
Boxer fabric -- 1 vote
Undecided -- 1 vote
Film imperfection -- 1 vote
Patrick Swayze's testicle -- 1 vote

The Voters' Comments:
(I thank all the participants! Also, my remaining readings are listed below.)

I have studied the cover photograph and while I can see how that blur might be interpreted as testicular, if you were dancing on a table in Miami I think the paparazzi would refer to it as an 'ass-flap.' So really you're better off.
(ass-flap -- 1)

So, I decided to just write you a little fan note to say, "Thank you for keeping on the keepin' on," and also to say that I do think it's your testicle on the cover of "I Love You More Than You Know".
(testicle -- 1)

...I say it IS your testicle, not a shadow.
(testicle -- 2)

Cool testicle.
(testicle -- 3)

Your sack!
(testicle -- 4)

Id like to cast my vote for shadow. I would like to think that if it was, in fact, your testicle hanging out of your boxer shorts, this would not be such a mystery. Although, as you have stated in the book.....you are no Shaquille O'neal.
(shadow -- 1)

I hate to tell you this, but it's definitely your testicle. On the bright side, the rest of you looks very fit.
(testicle -- 5)

I vote sack, not shadow. Close call, but the shadowy sack has some very convincing flesh tones.
(testicle -- 6)

A skin-colored shadow
(shadow -- 2)

My vote: testicle.Maybe my knowledge of shadows is lacking, but I don't think I've ever seen one so clearly flesh-tone.Testicle gets me vote.
(testicle -- 7)

Your fine well-muscled torso is distracting, so it's hard to look elsewhere on the new book cover, but regarding your survey, it does look ballish to me. I will scrutinize the photo with a loupe later.
(testicle -- 8)

Upon closer inspection of your groin in the picture, I have concluded that there is NOT a shadow, nor anysign of liver. I would like to offer an alternativehypothesis, perhaps you were wearing a second layer ofboxer shorts that day? It looks to me like the whiteboxers are riding up and a little bit of fabric from another pair of underwear is showing. Obviously, you as the author and subject of the photo would know ifyou were wearing two pairs of underwear. I think I would wear two pairs of underwear if I knew that I would be photographed running down the street in my panties. If that is not the case, then, yes, that's a teste.
(testicle -- 9)

To begin let us put to rest the liver hanging out explanation. Dah.............
As for is it a shadow or a testicle, I hope it is your balls and no a shadow. Then again only you should be able to answer the question as you must be rather familiar with your own body. I am sure you know weather you have low hangers (loose sacked balls) or ones that are more uptight so to speak. If you are running in the type of boxers you are wearing in the photo and you do have low hangers then it's most definitely your testicles, if now then the shadow explanation comes into play. In any event I thought you looked pretty hot in the photo.
(undecided -- 1)

I am the psychiatrist who tries to speak with you empathically every time I attend one of your live performances. I never succeed, but I have a good time anyway.
I was disappointed to see that you continue to hover over the phallic-narcissistic zone as you prompt your readers to decide between your testicle and your liver. I had thought, from your last book, given what seemed like a highly differentiated sexual and psychological intercourse with that lovely maiden to whom who gave the crabs, that you had finally pulled yourself up to a more coherent psychological state. But it looks like you are a lost cause. Nevertheless, I will read your next book. I am a committed fan. If you ever want to get committed to a long term institution in New York, I and two of my colleagues will be happy to facilitate the process. :-)
(It's me who is nuts -- 1)

Looks more like what is left of your brain hanging out!
(my brain -- 1)

This "shadow" furor sounds awfully similar to PatrickSwayze's swimsuit moment in People some years back.Well, unlikely most will connect the two.
(Patrick Swazye's testicle -- 1)

* TESTICLE! ** I don't trust electronic voting. I always suspect that something is rigged; re: electronic voting, not testes.
(testicle -- 10)

My guess is that it's neither a ball or a shadow but a portion of the boxer fabric itself.
(boxer fabric -- 1)

I'm going with the testicle on this one.
(testicle -- 11)

I'm sure it must be your ball. This whole thing reeks of self promotion. Maybe the book cover could have been done in scratch and sniff, sniff my ball! Please just be honest about it, you don't want to end up on Oprah defending your shadow ball and have some snoopy website expose that you knew all along.
(testicle -- 12)

I think it’s a testicle. Since I live in _________ we may at some point run into each other, and if that should happen, while I’m telling you how funny your books are - all I’ll be thinking about is your testicle.
(testicle -- 13)

For your vote count: I don't think the jacket photo shows a testicle; you're too young for that degree of droopage. Most likely an imperfection on the film, or bad ink registering when the cover was printed.
(film imperfection -- 1)

Nah, it's can't be a shadow (a shadow of what...) because it would be a big shadow! ;)
(testicle -- 14)

It is your testicle.
(testicle -- 15)

I reaallllly do think that i am seeing your testicle.
(testicle -- 16)

Oh my goodness. That is a little boy hanging out. No question. I've seen enough of them peeking out of shorts to know. Women feign revulsion, squeal, cover their eyes--but the truth is, when that squishy little bauble leaks out it's exciting. I can't wait for men's clothes to start showcasing the balls.
(testicle -- 17)

I say it is your testicle, my wife says it is not. Interesting marriage dynamic there.
(testicle -- 18, shadow -- 3)

I also wanted to weigh in on the balls on the cover of your book issue. I do believe that it is your scrotum and not a shadow or your liver and that it fits in the picture perfectly. As a matter of fact, I don't think the book would be the same with out it.
(testicle -- 19)

Clearly, shooting a prune. (prune job, prunjabi, the new plum...)
(testicle -- 20)

I say it is INDEED your nut sack flapping against your thigh.
(testicle -- 21)

After close inspection of the cover, i think i'm going to have to land in the testicle camp.
(testicle -- 22)

My wife who is not familiar with your work, nor has much in the way of scatalogical or prurient interests, was asked by me about the cover of your new book. Withouth hesitation she noted that it was your testicle hanging out. So that confirms it for me.
(testicle -- 24)

I think it's a shadow. A moon shadow.
(shadow -- 4)

I've looked at your cover, and that is definitely a ball. And a sweet one at that.
(testicle -- 25)

I think its a funny shadow. Even before all the hullabaloo, I spent quite some time examining the picture and frankly, I was disappointed.
(shadow -- 5)

What the NY Post had to say about this ball controversy: http://www.nypost.com/gossip/pagesix/63639.htm


Readings:
Tuesday, March 7, 7:00 – TORONTO, CA, Gladstone Hotel and Ballroom. I will do a restaging of my one-man show “Oedipussy” for Pages Books and Magazines “This is Not a Reading Series.” Go to http://www.pagesbooks.ca/ for details.

Thursday, March 9, 7:00 -- NY, NY, KGB Bar, 85 East 4th Street, Behind the Book reading series, with Thomas Beller, author of HOW TO BE A MAN.

Sunday, March 12, 6:00 – BROOKLYN, NY, Night and Day Reading Series, 230 Fifth Avenue at President Street.

Thursday, March 16, 6:30 – NY, NY, Coliseum Books, 11 West 42nd Street (between 5th and 6th aves) reading with J. Milligan, author of JACK FISH.

Tuesday, March 21, 7:30 – NEWTON, MA, Newtonville Books, 296 Walnut Street

Wednesday, March 22 and Thursday March 23rd, 11:00 p.m. -- Mo Pitkin's, 34 Avenue A, "The Jonathan Ames and Moby Variety Show," cover charge $20.00. (More to come about this.)

I recorded I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW as a downloadable audio-book and it's available at: http://audible.com/adbl/site/enSearch/searchResults.jsp?BV_UseBVCookie=Yes&N=0&Ntx=mode%2Bmatchallpartial&D=jonathan+ames&Dx=mode%2Bmatchallpartial&Ntt=jonathan+ames&Ntk=S_Keywords&x=19&y=7
- posted by Jonathan @ 4:56 PM